After Five Years
by Kodoku-shan
Summary: Hyde hasn't talked to Gackt in more than five years and is becoming a little nostalgic. Then one day, he stumbles over a picture that sparks his memory along with some unexpected reactions. Oneshot, GacktHYDE.


This is a little one-shot-cliff-hanger/drabble I've been holding for a while, thought you Gackt/Hyde fans might like it. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Moon Child, Gackt, or HYDE.

* * *

It's been five years since Moon Child. _Five years, _can you believe it? I wish I could honestly say it felt like yesterday, but as time goes on it's starting to feel like it never even happened. Trying to recollect those memories is like trying to remember a dream, nothing but a strange and foggy disillusion. I longed to remember it more clearly. I wanted to watch the film again, and maybe a second time after that, but Megumi got rid of it.

Jealousy, perhaps…

The Internet proved useful, when my wife wasn't home. I searched the videos from the making of Moon Child, photos from a few shoots Gackt and I had together. Then I came across an interesting picture. Gackt and I… we were _kissing. _I was positive it was a fake image, but it looked so real. There were the feathers of my tattoo stretching over my shoulder as I reached for him, and my eyes half closed, and my lips... No! That's not me! _I _wasn't reaching for him, and I was _not_ kissing him. I would never… He _wouldn't_… _would he?_

I stopped trying to remember after that, because everything came back to me. I remembered how suspicious I was of him. He had too much faith in me then, and too little reason to choose me over any other. It finally occurred to me when he began flirting mercilessly. Not at first, though. Oh no, _he was patient._ Much more than that, he was _perfect. _Handsome, talented, kind, he knew exactly what to say, how to say it, when to look, when to blink… when to_ freaking breathe. _

But I had Megumi. She was my "The One" and Gackt… well; I never allowed myself those feelings. It seems now that was a mistake. I disobeyed my heart and now I'm paying the price.

I still couldn't get that image out of my head. It seemed burned into my retinas like the bright sun on an early morning. Every single time I was reminded of it, I felt like a dog having a delicious looking slice of bacon waved over my head, hopelessly out of reach. I was left to just imagining how that meat would taste, _how he would taste, _so tender I could chew it for hours, _so warm and soft I could kiss him for hours, _and how I would beg for another slice, _how I would beg for more. _

I was scared.

Scared because the more I felt this way the less I felt for Megumi, and I could feel it lessen every time I held her. Every time she kissed me I thought of Gackt and caught myself kissing back imagining it was him. But then again, she would never compare.

Wait; was I saying that about my own wife? _…Yes._

I finally accepted it. For reasons I cant explain I wanted Gackt more than anything worth sacrificing Megumi for. She wouldn't understand, of course, but that didn't matter. As long as I knew what was right for me, as long as I was… _happy_.

* * *

Well… now I'm here, stepping over the borderline between an elevator and the top floor of the Ritz Carlton in Osaka, after a two-hour drive from Tokyo. Staring down that long corridor and its hypnotic pattern of wall lamps and potted plants leading to that single white door, I realize that I have come for no reason.

The elevator door closed behind me with a prompt "Ding!" and I'm left alone. It's so quiet. All I can hear is the whiz of the elevator shaft and its distant ring as it reaches another floor below me.

_What am I doing here? _I think to myself. _Even if I turned back right now, the doorman would still tell him I came, then what excuse would I have._

I look to my right and find the only other door in the hallway. _A stairwell. _Before I even knew why, I tore open the door and ran up the stairs like mad. Perhaps I had forgotten that I was already on the top floor, for when I opened the next door I staggered from the blinding light and huge gust of wind that greeted me. The wind died down and I closed the door behind me, letting my eyes adjust to the light.

It was the roof; flat, white and bedded with a sea of tiny pebbles that gave a satisfying crunch when you walked over them. I looked across the huge platform, as wide as the building itself of course, and imaged the length of the hallway below me. I began to walk along it, weather it was to satisfy my fear or simply to hear the stones shift and crunch under my weight.

I reached the middle of the building. The ground and the streets and all the other buildings were no longer visible beyond the edges of the roof. All this time I was beginning to fathom the fact that Gackt was living right below my feet.

Living, and_ breathing, _(in that godly way he does) and here I am, so competent and so able, but without an ounce of willing strength to face him. If only he could find me here, hold me, kiss me and I wouldn't have to explain a thing.

_Let's face it, Hyde, you would fight it, you would push him away and deny everything because you don't have a choice. Even if you saw him again, he would have someone else. **You** have someone else. It's been at least three years since you've even talked to him, let alone in _person_, what makes you think he still wants you?_

I was right, and knew that nothing would come of this even if he _did_ find out I was here. I would say something like: "Oh, I was just in the neighborhood." And he would laugh, invite me inside for some tea, introduce me to his girlfriend and probably ask me how my wife is…

At that disgusting thought, I tore the gold ring off my finger and threw it as far as my weak limbs could manage. I watched it flip and turn and catch the light as it flew through the air. It went far, and I sincerely hoped that it would simply disappear beyond the edge of the building and set permanent my fate to be rid of it. But no, it bounced along the surface of the white stones and settled itself among them, gleaming maliciously.

At that point, I dropped my face into my hands and sank to my knees. I hadn't done this since I was a small child, but now, as my eyes began to swell, my face grew warm and the edges of my mouth pulled back into my cheeks, I cried.

I was ashamed. I let myself fall hard onto the rough stones below me and became engulfed in darkness. The crunching sound echoed in my head until it all blended together into a white noise and I was carried away from my consciousness as if from a cloud.

* * *

It was difficult to tell exactly when I woke up again, because it felt like I was waking up in my own bed, simply from a dream. Oh, what I would have done for it to have just been a dream. Then I started to remember the finer details; the long drive, talking to the door man, that eerie hallway, throwing my ring-Wait, _throwing my ring!?_

I bolted my head upright, for I was resting it on a pillow that was not mine _I sleep on my stomach, you see_, then I started to twist and turn under someone else's sheets _made of silk, mind you_, I couldn't even recognize the room… _luxurious as it was_.

It was a dark room. Well lit, but dark. Four walls of ornate wallpaper of a deep maroon, _no windows…_It was designed like the old fashioned English, so many details I was too phased to recall them.

Everything about the room was still and quiet. I felt alone. Just then a movement finally caught my eye. At the edge of my sight, a delicate tendril of smoke was loitering in the air and soon rose to meet the ceiling. My stomach dropped at the sight of it, expecting the worst. I took a closer look and my body tensed. For the longest moment I laid there as still as the furniture in the room and my eyes as wide as my lids could stretch.

There he was, sitting across the room as grand and motionless as a statue. He held a cigarette limp between his fingers and his eyes were dead set on me. Staring in a way that left me doubtless he had been watching me this whole time and had no intention of looking away.

He was angry with me, I was sure of it. I've never seen him look at anyone like that before, let alone me. It was probably because I came unexpectedly, no… I _trespassed_, and now he was going to show me the coldest hospitality he could. Nonetheless, I couldn't tear my eyes away from his.

"I'm sorry." I sputtered, thinking of nothing else to say. I knew Gackt wouldn't stand to be the first to speak.

He moved, finally, dropping his hand with the cigarette onto an ashtray where he squished it with a little more force than necessary. "I found you" The man said, "a _mess_ on _my_ roof, with your own wedding ring sitting about twenty feet away." He got up and started walking towards me, never averting that piercing gaze.

I opened my mouth to speak, but he continued, leaning over me with one hand on the bed and the other on the bedside table, "Do you know how hard it was, bringing you down from that roof, carrying you through my home, putting you in_ my_ bed," He lifted the covers over me to display, "under _my _sheets, and watching you sleep peacefully for hours, without…" He conveyed the rest of the sentence with his eyes, dropping them to my hips and looking me up and down very slowly.

"So you didn't…" I said, to scared to finish the sentence.

He laughed. "Hyde, if I were to do anything to you, I would make _damn_ _sure_ you felt it."


End file.
